


you know i was made for us

by Windmire



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Hanahaki Disease, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-13 21:46:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16480334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Windmire/pseuds/Windmire
Summary: But it's a crush. It's just a stupid crush. Probably just Keith getting his own feelings all confused and tangled up.He's seen whatdeeper feelingsor whatever actually do, after all.  And when he looks at Shiro, when he thinks about Shiro, there's no tickle at the back of his throat and the ache in his chest is nothing like the way he's heard described. There's no pain restricting his breathing, no heaviness settling behind his ribs.OR: The Galra have soulmates. Humans don't and, instead, are afflicted with Hanahaki Disease when they believe their love is unrequited. And after meeting Shiro, Keith spends years wondering why no flowers ever come fromhim.





	you know i was made for us

**Author's Note:**

> me: haha i love traditional soulmate aus why don't i write more of them  
> also me: keeps writing these instead lmfao
> 
> Anyway, this story has like. Nothing to do with most of [this song](https://youtu.be/mSrKaYHNTxs), but it's where the title comes from and what I kept playing on repeat while writing it, so here. The playlist of one song for this story lmfao.
> 
> As might be expected from fics that involve Hanahaki Disease, there's some description of coughing fits and the like here, in case that's the sort of thing you'd rather not read.

One day, when he's a kid, his dad taps the mark on the crook of his right elbow. "Best not to show this to just anyone, but someday, Keith," he tells him, and there's something strange in his eyes then, something he's never seen in them before. "You're gonna find the person with this flower. Hold on tight to 'em, all right?"

Then he ruffles his hair and straightens up, already all suited up for work.

Keith never gets to ask what he meant by that. His dad doesn't come back that day.

But he takes his dad's words to heart. And as he's shuffled from foster home to foster home, as the years pass and he realizes no one _else_ has a mark like it, that no one else has a flower that is most definitely not a birthmark etched into their skin, he keeps the mark hidden, under long sleeves and jackets.

He can't even pass it off as a tattoo, he realizes once he's older. It blends into his skin differently than how tattoos do, differently than how a birthmark would. It's _raised_ even, made up of little bumps and ridges he can run his fingers over.

But, eventually, as the years pass, the flower on the inside of his elbow fades into the back of his mind. He still can't tell what his dad meant by any of that and, soon enough, Keith has more pressing matters to concern himself with.

Like the Galaxy Garrison.

And Takashi Shirogane.

The guy's a mystery and why he'd concern himself with someone like Keith is just one of the many baffling things about him.

Keith takes his car for a joyride, Shirogane helps him get into the Garrison. Keith gets into a fight right off the bat, Shirogane goes and promises not to give up on him.

And it's crap. It has to be. Keith spends months waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Keith to mess up in some way that will finally have Shirogane looking at him in disdain, for what will finally make him give up on Keith and suggest the Garrison kick him out.

But it never comes. Time passes. Years pass. And he does stick around like he promised. He helps Keith whenever he can, takes him out to race hoverbikes, and...

And Keith begins to believe him.

That's when the ache in his chest begins.

It's negligible, at first, just a stupid crush on a guy who'll never look at him that way. It's the way Shiro smiles, the way he looks in that stupid jacket of his. It's how he keeps supporting Keith, no matter what. It's how it makes Keith want to support _him_ , even when it feels like the entire Garrison wants to keep him grounded forever.

And the ache in his chest only grows sharper whenever he spots Shiro with Adam, whenever he sees Shiro laugh with Adam, whenever he watches Adam sling an arm around Shiro's shoulders or waist.

But it's a crush. It's just a stupid crush. Probably just Keith getting feelings of friendship all confused and tangled up.

He knows this. He can say it with more certainty than anything else in his life.

Keith's seen what _deeper feelings_ or whatever actually do, after all. He saw how one of his classmates, in love and convinced it was unrequited, went months and months pretending she wasn't coughing up flower petals, then whole flowers. He saw her, sitting at the desk in front of his and discreetly brushing away fistfuls of crushed flower petals.

Hanahaki Disease. The disease that made flowers grow in her lungs that had been slowly killing her, cutting off more and more of her airflow until Keith could hear the wheeze in her breath from his seat behind her. Until the instructors noticed.

But when Instructor Ryu turned to her one day, eyes wide in surprise at a coughing fit she couldn't hide that time, she practically leapt from her desk and turned to another girl before he could speak, pouring her heart out right in front of all the rest of them. And when the other girl, haltingly, half in shock, reciprocated, there was one last coughing fit. One last perfectly-formed flower.

Then that was the end of it. No more coughing, no more flowers. Just a new couple in his class.

But that's how he _knows_. When he looks at Shiro, when he thinks about Shiro, there's no tickle at the back of his throat and the ache in his chest is nothing like the way Ella described. There's no pain restricting his breathing, no heaviness settling behind his ribs.

Even if his heart _twists_ when Adam breaks up with Shiro, when he can't even begin to fathom how he could let someone like Shiro go, it doesn't matter. Because Shiro's just his friend. And no flower petals come anyway.

So it's just a crush. And he can smother a crush. He just... needs some time. That's all. Time he can probably get while Shiro's away for the Kerberos mission, as much as Keith dreads spending that long without seeing Shiro.

But it'll be fine. He'll come back, Keith will be over his stupid crush, and everything will be fine. Their friendship will be back on track. He just needs to manage to actually say goodbye.

"Come on, I'll be back before you know it," Shiro's saying, voice steady and reassuring. "I promise."

Keith looks up at him, at the ship Shiro and the Holts will be leaving on soon ahead of them, then back at Shiro, and huffs out a laugh. "Yeah, you better. It's going to be boring here without you."

Shiro snorts, placing a hand on Keith's shoulder.

Keith ignores the way his heart skips a beat at that. It's nothing.

"Don't say that," Shiro tells him, the corners of his lips twitching up in a smile. "With everything you've got to do here, you'll barely even notice I'm gone."

"Yeah, I don't think so." He shrugs. "I don't exactly get along with a whole lot of people here. But," he says, raising his eyebrows. "I'm gonna have a lot of time to get better at flying. So you better watch out or you'll come back to find I've beaten all your records, _old-timer_."

Shiro laughs and, using the hand on Keith's shoulder, draws him into a hug. "Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, too, Keith."

Keith shakes his head, wrapping his arms around Shiro. Yeah. Yeah, all right, he's going to miss Shiro. He lets himself bury his face in Shiro's neck and squeeze his eyes shut, tightening his arms around Shiro.

It's fine. It's just a minute.

And if when he finally, _finally_ shifts away, and Shiro pulls away in turn, he's a little disappointed... That won't matter by the time Shiro's back.

"Hey," Keith says, when Shiro takes another step backward. "I'll be waiting for you, okay?"

And the smile Shiro gives him at that is _blinding_. Keith can barely even keep his eyes on Shiro during it.

"Thanks, Keith. And thanks for coming out here with me to the launch, too. I just thought--"

Keith sticks his hands in the pockets of his uniform. "It's fine," he manages to say, and even keeps the smile on his face. "I'm glad you invited me. Just don't take too long, all right?"

"Of course," Shiro says agreeably. "When have I ever broken a promise to you?"

Keith snorts, shaking his head.

That's the last he sees of Shiro.

-

The crush doesn't go away in the subsequent months, not really. But it's easy to let it fade into the background, to remember how Shiro's first and foremost his _friend_ when he doesn't see him every day. Even as he misses him like nothing else.

But Keith's got a hold of himself. He can deal with this situation. Shiro will come back, he'll prove everyone wrong about being able to pilot the Kerberos mission, and Keith will have his own stupid crush under control by then. Everything will be fine.

Until it isn't.

Because then there's _Pilot Error_. Then there's no one who'll answer his questions, no one who'll believe in Shiro besides Keith himself. Then there's getting kicked out of the Garrison after a fit of rage he can barely even remember afterwards, then there's the desert and his father's shack and grief so thick it _chokes_ him.

The ache in his chest, that he'd almost managed to forget about, blooms anew and it feels like it should kill him. It feels like it should crack his ribs right down the middle and leave him to bleed out on the floor of the shack in the middle of the desert. 

He cries.

He yells, up to the heavens, up to space where Shiro went. And there's nothing, absolutely nothing in the world that Keith wants more than to see Shiro again, alive and well.

He's not so sure it's just a crush anymore.

The thing is still no flowers come. His chest aches and aches and aches, with the kind of pain he hasn't known since his dad died. Yet it's still not the same kind of pain as back then, the grief tastes different at the back of his throat.

But his lungs are clear of everything but the desert sand.

And he wonders and wonders, even as he throws himself fully into chasing after that vague sense of something out there in the desert that comes over him, just what the hell are his feelings?

-

He finds Shiro.

"It's good to have you back," he tells him.

"It's good to be back," Shiro answers, and the feeling in his chest only grows.

By the time they've found the Blue Lion and the Castle of Lions, the alien princess and the rest of the lions, Keith's sure this is it.

He watches Shiro as he settles into his role as leader of Voltron, as they all train together, get to know the rest of their ragtag team, and he's absolutely certain this is it. There's no way he won't end up like Ella back at the Garrison now. 

But nothing happens.

Even when Shiro smiles at him one morning after breakfast, soft and without the heavy, tense air that's been following him since he crash landed back on Earth, and Keith is filled with a rush of affection so fast, so _strong_ it makes his head spin. Nothing happens.

His lungs stay completely clear. 

"Everything okay there, buddy?" Shiro asks him the next morning.

And it's nothing to smile back at him then, as easy as anything as the stress from the past weeks seems to evaporate, just for a moment.

"Yeah, why?"

"You've just been looking kind of..." Shiro sighs, running a hand through the white of his hair. "I know we've got a lot to deal with right now and I know we haven't had a lot of time to hang out or anything lately. But I just want you to know I haven't forgotten about you or anything, if you need--"

"Shiro," Keith interrupts, shaking his head. "It's fine. We've all got a lot to do right now, you're not..." He shrugs. "I'm happy with how much time we're spending together." And it's true. Honestly, really true. After a year spent mourning him, any time he can spend with Shiro is good. It's just something he probably shouldn't admit out loud.

The look Shiro gives him in answer is one he tries not to analyze too hard. But it's hard to miss the softness in his eyes when he closes the distance between them to clap a hand on Keith's shoulder and squeeze lightly, along with the way his heart squeezes at it, at once familiar and unfamiliar in its intensity.

He missed Shiro. So much it almost hurts to have him so close all the time now.

But he wouldn't trade having him back for anything in the universe right now.

And as the months go on, as they get the hang of this Voltron thing, he doesn't know _what_ he feels for Shiro anymore. Is it not romantic? Is that it? Was he right back then and he confused his own feelings that badly this whole time?

He tries to set it aside, just as he's set aside the matter of the flower etched onto the inside of his elbow--something to only consider sometimes, when he's all alone, along with the knife his dad left for him. But that's just the problem, isn't it? _Flowers_.

So maybe he's not entirely successful at setting the thoughts aside. But he sometimes manages to forget about it for a while, in the same way he can wear short sleeves for periods of time sometimes and no one in the castle ever thinks to ask questions about the flower on his arm.

If they even notice it.

Even finding the Blade of Marmora and finally getting some sort of answers about his heritage doesn't help much. If anything, the tangled knot of feelings in his chest only seems to tighten, from the very second Shiro's willing to throw away their chance at an alliance for Keith.

And when the knife responds, when sparing Shiro any more pain is the only thing that drives his actions at that moment, it's _fear_ that courses through him, raw and powerful.

It just doesn't seem possible, for his chest, his heart, to contain whatever these feelings are.

And he thinks he'd rather have the flower petals. He'd rather have the flowers slowly taking over his lungs than the sharp, overwhelming grief when he loses Shiro again. And he'd rather choke on flowers and his own blood, he'd rather suffocate quietly in his own room than try to detangle what he's feeling when he _finds_ him yet again.

It can't be a crush anymore. A crush couldn't possibly be this painful.

Keith swears the flower on his skin has to be mocking him by then, reminding him of the flowers he's expecting that never come. And he wishes, so badly, that he'd gotten to ask his dad what it meant.

Even leaving the team and joining the Blade of Marmora full time doesn't help much. He gets a few odd looks whenever people notice the mark. And, after one debriefing, Kolivan takes one look at the flower on his skin and raises an eyebrow, but he doesn't acknowledge it in any other way.

No explanations. No indication as to whether this could be a Galra thing. Nothing.

What he gets instead is a mission to find a Blade, Krolia.

And that's when the answers finally begin.

-

Half a year into their time in the quantum abyss, a memory flash shows Krolia the mark on his arm.

She's silent for a long time after that memory flash, wordlessly petting the wolf for long enough that he begins to think this is just another one they won't talk about. It was a memory of the time his dad pointed out his mark, after all, and he's still someone they can't seem to talk about much. But by the time it gets dark, by the time Keith's settled himself into his side of their shelter, she scoots closer and turns impossibly soft eyes on him.

"You don't know what it means," she says. It's not a question.

He shakes his head slowly, looking down at his clothed arm. "Dad never got to explain. And I've never met anyone with a mark like it."

Her lips purse. "I'm sorry I wasn't around to explain. Did Kolivan never say anything?"

"No..." He raises his eyebrows. " _Is_ it a Galra thing?" he asks. Is this it? Could this finally be the answer his dad never got to give him? "He saw it once, but he never said anything about it."

In lieu of an answer, she reaches for his arm with gentle hands, turning it over and carefully rolling up his sleeve to expose the mark on his skin and runs the fingers of her left hand over it, careful as always with her claws. A hint of a smile curls her lips. "Yes and no. This is..." She breathes in through her nose. "The Galra have soulmates. And this mark means _your_ soulmate is out there somewhere."

He looks up at her, mouth parting in surprise. No. No, he can't have heard that right. "Soulmates are just a fairy tale."

"Are they?" she asks, and she's not smiling anymore. "I believe it wasn't very long ago that many people on Earth believed life outside of the planet to be a myth. And to most Galra, that disease humans get..." Her fingers curl over his arm. "Hanahaki Disease. It'd seem like a fairy tale to them."

Keith swallows. "Okay. Fair. Then..." He bites his lip. A soulmate. He's supposed to believe he has a soulmate. "Then why didn't Kolivan say anything? If... If it's true."

"Probably for similar reasons as to why he sent you to find me." Krolia runs the tips of the fingers of her free hand over her left bicep, her expression as impassive as ever. "I have a mark like yours, Keith. Different from how the rest of the Galra usually have theirs."

Wait. "What?" he breathes, his mind suddenly, terribly blank.

She huffs out a breath. "Your father and I... We didn't know which side you'd take after in this. I'd been so sure you took after your father in everything. I never thought..." She trails off, shaking her head lightly. Then, in a firmer voice, "The marks Galra usually have are stars. Constellations. And your soulmate is... Whoever's stars complete your own."

Keith blinks up at her, the words slowly filtering into his brain. "But I don't have stars."

"You don't." And there's something in her eyes then, something in the way her fingers curl tighter around his arm, that has him looking away, down at where their fire's still smoldering. "Your soulmate is a human. Just like your father was mine."

Keith clenches his hands tightly and, if they still shake a little, neither Krolia nor the space wolf are about to say anything about it. "But humans don't have soulmates," he mutters, and he doesn't dare take his eyes away from the fire. "How was Dad..."

"He was my soulmate," Krolia repeats. "But I wasn't his. Because you're right, humans don't have soulmates. We realized what was going on when he was afflicted with Hanahaki Disease." She sighs. "He actually thought I didn't love him. And when the flowers that came out of him matched the one on my skin..."

He looks up at her sharply. "You figured that was what it meant? A lot of flowers look similar."

She lifts a shoulder in a shrug. "The mark turned white, then sank into my skin. That's what they're supposed to do when you realize who your soulmate is. When you see your matching marks."

And she lets go of his arm then to roll up the sleeve of her undersuit, exposing her own mark on the part of her bicep she'd been touching before.

It is, indeed, a flower. And much more of an elaborate one than Keith has, at that. Keith's is simple, a cluster of round little petals. But Krolia's is one of the more distinctive desert flowers he remembers from his childhood.

He can see how his parents figured it out so quickly.

"So I have a human soulmate," he manages to get out past the lump in his throat. And it's Shiro he thinks of. It's always been Shiro, when has it ever not been? The man he can't figure out his own feelings for. "But I'm not his soulmate."

"No," Krolia says, voice gentle. "He's not."

It's. The thought's a lot. It's _too much_ right now, when he can barely process it.

A soulmate. A one-sided soulmate, of all things. He swallows. It's like he can't look at the thought directly yet, not until he's had time to think about it.

So he settles on another topic.

"Do I not get Hanahaki?"

And for a moment, just for a tick, there's a wild burst of hope surging in his chest, up his throat. Could he have not misjudged his feelings, after all? Could the way he feels actually _mean_ something more than a crush?

"I don't know. It's difficult to tell. Many species don't have soulmates, but the Galra are a very robust species. Even those who are mixed with species without them will often have soulmarks. But whether they take on this sort of aspect from their other sides..." She locks eyes with him, something helpless in her expression. "I really don't know, Keith. It varies and I don't know any other half-humans. I know as much as you do when it comes to this."

"Right..." Of course. He still has no idea. That just figures. "That's going to be easy to figure out," he mumbles.

"Keith," she says suddenly, when he only continues to stare at somewhere over her left shoulder. "Galra love stories would have you believe we mate for life. And we do, often. But..." Her brow furrows. "There's no shame in finding someone who isn't your soulmate either. You don't need to let this control you if you don't want to. I know this has to be a lot to process."

He doesn't answer. And she doesn't push him for an answer.

Keith doesn't sleep that night.

He turns the conversation over and over in his head. The question of who his soulmate might be. (The question of who he might _want_ his soulmate to be.) Whether it'd even be fair to spring that on someone else, if the whole soulmate thing's a one-sided thing.

His parents made it work, apparently. But could he? Would his soulmate not just be someone else who leaves his life, when he realizes Keith needs him more than he needs Keith?

No matter how long he lays awake, he can't come up with any answers.

-

A year and a half later, after the colony, after coming back, it doesn't matter anymore.

"You're my brother," he says, and it's not right. It's not _enough_.

"I love you," he says, and that much is true. It's true and it doesn't matter how he loves him anymore. It doesn't matter who his soulmate is, whether that's someone he probably doesn't even know.

 _Shiro_ is all that matters.

And he knows, even as they dangle over empty space, his mother's knife the only thing holding them up, that's never going to change. He could sooner drive his blade through Shiro's chest himself than let go of him now.

He lets his eyes close, the knife slips, they fall.

And Keith knows he's made the right decision.

* * *

 

Keith finds him.

Keith saves him.

And as Shiro's memories merge with those of the clone, as he struggles to make sense of what was this body and what was _him_ , it's like something unlocks. Everything he's been tamping down on since he and Keith crash-landed on an unknown planet, everything he'd very firmly pushed to the back of his mind, comes rushing back and he could just _choke_ on it.

Which is exactly the thought he comes back to when the first flower petals come, a laugh that sounds halfway to hysterical even to his own ears escaping him once he spots them on his gloved hand.

He didn't think much of the tightness in his chest or the scratchy feeling at the back of his throat at first. He was in a new body, after being dead and in the Black Lion's consciousness for what felt like an eternity, and after having the body try to reject his consciousness, at that. It only made sense that there'd be some discomfort at first. He was sure it'd pass soon enough.

But after that first coughing fit in the back of the Black Lion, alone in the cargo hold, when the first round little flower petals spill from his lips, he knows he was lying to himself. And with the evidence right in front of him, it's impossible to keep up the denial.

It's Keith. He's in love with Keith. He's _been_ in love with Keith for a while now. It's just now, when he let his guard down, that his brain--and his lungs--got the memo. It's just now that flowers have taken the chance to bloom inside him.

His hand trembles.

And it's almost funny, how this never happened with Adam. They fell together easily enough. The complete opposite of how they fell apart.

It's not funny at all when he realizes he can't do this to Keith.

_You're my brother. I love you._

He can't do this to Keith, who loves him like a brother. He's gleaned that much from his clone's memories, from his own memories of the time before his death. And, after everything, after absolutely everything Keith has done for him, what right does Shiro have to ask for anything more than that? He won't ever be able to even finish repaying him, what right does he have to ask for everything?

He knows how this will go and he can't... He can't _do this to Keith_. He can't put that burden on him, or that expectation. And he can never, ever make him feel like he's obligated to try to return his affections.

Ever.

So he takes the first chance he gets to switch lions.

Keith furrows his brow at him, a frown playing at the edges of his lips. "Are you sure? I... It's not too cramped with you here or anything. None of us minds."

Ignoring the tickle at the back of his throat, Shiro gives him what he hopes is his most reassuring smile. "I know, Keith. Thank you. But you, Krolia, and the space wolf would be more comfortable without me taking up so much space."

"You're not taking up too much space."

"And Pidge is on her own, I'm sure she'd like the company."

At that, Keith relents. "Okay," he says slowly. "But don't feel like you've got--"

"I know," Shiro says. "But it's not like we won't be able to talk to each other whenever we want or anything." He taps his earlobe. "We've still got our comms."

Though Keith nods, he still looks unhappy at that and Shiro wishes, so badly, that he could do something about that. That he could just stay. But he _can't_.

The Black Lion might be the biggest of the lions, but with four passengers it's still a little too cramped for comfort, still hard to find even a few doboshes alone. Which is a bit of a problem, if one were to have a secret one wanted to hide.

If he stays, it's only a matter of time until Krolia sees. Until the wolf teleports someone to his side at just the wrong moment. Until _Keith_ sees.

He's not going to fool himself into thinking Pidge won't notice, but at least maybe he can convince her to keep it between the two of them for now. At least until they get to Earth and he can figure out what to do about this.

Keith wouldn't let him wait.

As much as he doesn't want to be apart from Keith, it's for the best. It's the only apology he can offer right now for falling in love with him in the first place.

-

It takes Pidge even less time than he expected to find out what's going on. And even less than _that_ to figure out who his affections are for.

"Shiro," she calls out to him one day, just as he's turning to exit the room so she can get herself ready for bed.

When he faces her again, he finds her staring up at him apprehensively, arms crossed. "You're gonna tell him, right? When we get to Earth?"

There's no point in pretending he doesn't know what she's talking about. But he sure wishes he could.

"Pidge," he breathes, at a loss. How could he possibly explain this to her?

She narrows her eyes up at him. "Don't tell me you're _not_ ," she hisses. "Shiro, you know what'll happen if you let this go! He wouldn't want that, he's your best friend! He loves you!"

How can he possibly explain to her that it's precisely because he's Shiro's best friend, precisely because he loves Shiro ( _as a brother, as a brother_ , the crueler part of his mind taunts him), that he can't tell Keith about any of this.

He squeezes his eyes shut. "I know what'll happen. But I can't just..." He shakes his head. "I'll figure it out. But I _can't_ tell him about this. It'd just hurt him and I... Pidge, I really don't want to do that."

Her expression turns downright mutinous at that. "Shiro! I don't know what in the world you're thinking would hurt him, but it'd hurt him even more if you died because of this!"

"I know. I know. But _please_ , Pidge. Please let it go for now."

He needs to think. He needs to plan. He's still barely even come to terms with his own feelings, much less the fact that they're strong enough to cause _this_. He can't even consider burdening Keith with this yet. Or ever, if he has his way.

(And maybe he's more stubborn than people think, too. Maybe he wants to keep his disease to himself this time.)

Something of his desperation must show on his face, because Pidge's expression softens then, though it doesn't lose the edge of skepticism to it. "Just for now," she agrees, voice little more than a whisper.

She doesn't bring it up again. But she's there when he has his next coughing fit, for every single one as, the more they travel, the more and more flower petals there are every time. She's there as taking a full breath begins to become a struggle.

Pidge's expression grows darker each time, the little divot between her brows growing deeper and deeper. But she presses her lips together tightly each time and says nothing before going back about her business.

Shiro's more grateful for it than he can say, though he can't help but wish he'd found some way to keep hiding this from her. She doesn't need this on top of everything else.

He wipes the back of his hand across his mouth after the latest one, and he's sure he doesn't imagine her movements being a little more reluctant than usual when she leaves this time to let him gather himself.

It's understandable. He can't blame her. This is the first time he pulls a full flower from between his lips, rather than just scattered flower petals. It's advancing faster than he hoped for and he's been avoiding the thought of a solution more than he's really willing to admit.

No solution seems good. Even if he were to tell Keith, even if he were to burden him with this, it wouldn't actually change Keith's feelings. And surgery...

Only as a very last resort.

Sighing, he turns the flower over in his hand and can't help but think that the orange little petals seem almost fitting for Keith. Though that might be the lack of air talking, he thinks with a wheezing chuckle. Or the fact that it's a _wallflower_ , of all things, that he's holding in his hand.

He's in so much trouble.

And, eventually, Pidge makes damn sure he doesn't forget it.

"Your Hanahaki's progressing really quickly, Shiro," she tells him, what turns out to be mere quintants before they arrive on Earth. Her comms are, blessedly, muted, but she still pitches her voice low enough that only Shiro would be able to hear anyway. "I was under the impression it takes a lot longer for full flowers to come out."

"Yeah," Shiro says faintly. "It is. It does."

"You must really love him, huh?" she says, hands tightening on Green's control sticks.

 _Or have really repressed that love for a while now,_ he doesn't say. He can't say.

He only hums in answer. There's no need to burden Pidge more than he already has.

"You're going to die if you don't do something, you know," she whispers at his non-answer, wavering at the edges. It's quiet enough that he can't tell if she meant for him to hear it. Or if she meant for him to wonder if she did. She's clever.

But Lance chooses just then to hail her frequency, rambling on with something about Coran and Allura and Kaltenecker, and there's nothing else she can say about the matter for the moment.

Then they're on Earth. And there's no time for her to say anything else about it.

-

There's no time for much of _anything_ on Earth beyond the tasks laid out right in front of them. There's certainly no time for Shiro to think about how he's slowly dying of unrequited love. Of how a sharp, stabbing pain joins the tightness in his chest every once in a while now. Or of how it's getting all the harder to make sure he's somewhere private whenever a coughing fit hits.

It's not like any solution is feasible in all this chaos right now anyway.

But it's not long after he brushes aside another fistful of flowers--more of them this time than the last few times--that he finds Adam's name on the memorial wall and it's.

He trembles.

They weren't right for each other in the end. But he loved Adam once. He wonders, inanely, what kind of flowers would have grown in his lungs if Adam hadn't loved him back.

But it's not flowers that choke him now. And it's not quite regret, at least not for himself. He doesn't think he'd change any of his choices.

Maybe it's regret for the life Adam could have lived, for another love he could have found. He could have, for all Shiro knows, only to have it all cut terribly short.

He'll never know. And Adam will never know _Shiro's_ fallen for someone else now, so deeply and hopelessly he quite literally can barely breathe around it.

It's then he realizes. Even if surgery were an option he could explore now, he doesn't think he'd want to. His feelings for Keith are... precious to him now. Something to hold on to during the cold nights, even knowing Keith doesn't love him in the way he'd like him to.

It's fine. He'll figure it out.

-

It's not fine. 

The lions fall from the sky and it is absolutely, undoubtedly _not fine_.

He feels amazing connected to Atlas. The tightness in his chest fades to the background, his lungs take in full breaths, and it's _amazing_ , it's the connection he'd been missing since he and Black were separated.

But what's the use of it--what's the use of anything he can do?--if he can't use it to save any of his friends? What's the use if he's still not fast enough to save _Keith_?

Shiro's one of the first on the scene of where the Black Lion crashed and it's still _not fast enough_. He still has to watch the medics carry out a limp, deathly pale Keith, blood matting his hair to his face.

He still has to wait around uselessly as, one by one, the rest of the Paladins wake in the hospital, injured but recovering quickly, while Keith sleeps on.

Practice. What he needs is more practice with Atlas, more time to get to know her ins and outs. He could do a lot of good, he thinks. Side by side with the Paladins of Voltron. He could keep _them_ safe. He could help keep the whole universe safe.

His loved ones, especially.

But that, he realizes one night sitting by Keith's beside, a sinking feeling in his stomach, won't ever come to pass if he doesn't live. And the flowers continuing to grow in his lungs don't seem inclined to let him do that.

He bows his head, holding one of Keith's hands tightly between his own. His options are drying up even faster than they were on the way to Earth. He knows damn well that if he waits long enough, if he lets the disease progress enough, not even surgery will be able to save him. Not once there's been enough damage to his lungs. And he can't...

He can't do that either, to any of them. He can't do that to Keith either.

 _Just a little longer_ , he promises himself. Just until Keith wakes up, at least. Then... Then maybe it's time to stop running from this.

-

He practically runs to Keith's side once he hears he's awake. The relief at seeing him awake and lucid feels too big for Shiro's body, leaving him blinking back the burning behind his eyes in the hospital room.

But he has little time to bask in that relief. By the time Keith's released from the hospital, the stabbing pain in Shiro's chest is far more frequent than he should let it be. He needs to act, he knows this. He needs to act, and fast.

He should've known Keith would beat him to the punch though.

Technically, they're all on leave right now, a lull between that last battle on Earth and preparing in earnest for what still awaits them out in space.

(For Haggar, his nightmares are all too quick to remind him.)

Lance, Hunk, and Pidge are spending the time with their families, while Allura, Coran, and Romelle stay in the Garrison, still familiarizing themselves with Earth and what's left of its infrastructure. Krolia and Kolivan are doing much the same as well, Kolivan moreso than Krolia, whenever they're not hovering by Keith.

Shiro avoids them all as his condition worsens and he tries to decide just how he can solve this whole thing. Kolivan and the Alteans might not be able to tell what afflicts him, but there'd be questions he's not ready to answer. And he can't be sure Krolia didn't learn about Hanahaki Disease during her time on Earth before.

But he can't avoid Keith for long, not even if he actually wanted to. But as hopeless as it was from the start, Shiro just wishes he could have timed this better. 

He thinks it might have been the sound of Shiro coughing that lead to Keith finding him that evening. He finds Shiro where he had to stop and brace himself against a wall at another coughing fit, only a corridor away from his temporary quarters, which would have afforded him a measure of privacy against this. But the coughs this time make his knees buckle, leaving him gasping for air right in the open where anyone could see him.

The flowers escaping him drift slowly down to the floor, nothing like the frequency at which he's spitting them out in the first place, and he doesn't need to look down to the tiles to know more than a few of them are bloodstained now.

It's not the first time it happens.

"Shiro!"

Shiro draws in a gasping breath, his fingers scrabbling for purchase against the too smooth wall. No. No, he needs to straighten up, he needs to get himself together.

 _He can't let Keith see him like this_.

Keith reaches him before he can manage that, a frantic hand finding his elbow. "Shiro? Shiro, what's wrong?"

And he knows how it must look to Keith. Shiro is intimately aware by now of just how bad his cough sounds, and how it must look when it leaves his body wracked with pain like this. Pidge had no idea how right she was about how quickly the disease is progressing.

She didn't even see him like _this_ before she took the few days to focus on her family and it still took more than a little effort for Shiro to assure her he'd be fine.

He doesn't want to know what Keith must be thinking now.

"I'm... fine," he wheezes out, finally finding steadier footing again, though he still has to lean against the wall for support more than he's comfortable with.

Keith lets go of his elbow, though his hands still hover close to Shiro. "No, you're not. You didn't sound like this earlier today, what happened? Are you hurt? Sick? Why didn't you say anything? I can take you to the medbay, it's..."

Keith trails off, his expression downright stricken, before it shutters completely, and it takes Shiro only a tick to realize what's provoked this reaction.

He follows Keith's gaze to where it's settled on the floor at Shiro's feet, flowers scattered before him. With only one possible source for them.

 _No_. No, no, no, no.

"K-Keith! I-I..." He doesn't have an excuse ready, he realizes with slowly rising dread. Hoping Keith would just never catch him like this before he was ready clearly didn't work out.

But Keith barely even seems to hear him, if the way his eyes are glued to the flowers on the floor, more petals slipping between Shiro's fingers, is anything to go by. And it _terrifies_ Shiro.

When Keith, slowly, so very slowly, looks back up at Shiro, he still can't make heads or tails of his expression. "When did this start?" he breathes, and he's shaking. It's almost imperceptible, but he's shaking, a faint tremble through his limbs.

But Shiro knows Keith well enough that it stands out as easily as if Keith were shouting it out loud.

Shiro swallows. "Back in space," he says, and he wishes he could take the words back. He wishes Keith never had to hear this. But there's no way out of this now, and he's not sure he has it in him anymore to lie about just who is causing these flowers. He can't let this go on.

Keith nods, his face ashen. "And you didn't tell anyone? Why wouldn't you--" And, more than anything else, it's the expression that steals over Keith's face then, there and gone in a tick, that makes Shiro wish he could take it all back. " _Shiro_. Is this why you didn't want to keep riding in Black? You didn't want me to know about this? Does Pidge know?"

Shiro hangs his head. Then forces himself to raise it and meet Keith's eyes. No, he can't hide from this anymore. He owes Keith at least this much.

"I'm so sorry, Keith. I couldn't exactly keep it from her." He lets out a weak chuckle. "I just didn't want you to have to..." And that's the thing, isn't it? Explaining why he kept it from Keith means either lying or admitting exactly what he never wanted him to know.

But he's decided, hasn't he? And he just can't find it in him to keep lying to him anyway, not with the half-panicked half-pained look Keith's aiming at him. Not with the way he stands so eerily still in front of him, save for the faint trembling in his limbs.

There's nothing else to it.

Shiro tries to take in a breath to steel himself. But it chokes him halfway through it, sending him into another coughing fit and, next thing he knows, he's doubled over against the wall, one of Keith's arms against his waist and.

He can't. He can't let this go on, he never wanted Keith to see this, is the only thought that manages to penetrate the haze of panic as he struggles to draw air into his lungs, to hold himself up, _anything_.

"--ro?! Shiro! Shiro, please!" Something tugs at his waist--arms, Keith's arms, he manages to dimly register--while something soft falls into the hand he's got up against his mouth and.

Shiro gasps, not a full breath, but enough as the coughing subsides, and the hands at his waist stop tugging at him as they _shake_.

"Shiro," Keith says, his mouth suddenly so much closer to Shiro's ear.

"It's fine. It's passed for now," Shiro manages, though Keith and the wall are the only things keeping him upright now.

Then Keith's jolting away, practically snatching his hands away as if burnt, and when Shiro snaps his head up to look at him, Keith's eyes are as wide as he's ever seen them, his eyes on the bloodstained flower in Shiro's hand. The flower that's much closer to his eyes than the ones on the floor.

"Can I see that flower?" Keith asks suddenly and he doesn't know if it's the coughing fit, if it's how he still can't seem to gather himself, but Shiro feels he's missed a step here.

Did he hear that right?

Mutely, because through the pain in his chest and the haze in his head, he can't see any reason to even think of denying him this, Shiro lifts his left hand, the right still braced against the wall.

Keith squeezes his eyes shut, taking in a shuddering breath. And when he opens them again, there's something almost... fearful about them. A line forms between his eyebrows that Shiro longs to wipe away and he doesn't. He doesn't know what to do with this.

But Keith--brave, clever Keith--only huffs out a breath, then he's rolling back his sleeve and just about shoving his arm in Shiro's face where, as he watches, what looks like a raised flower-shaped birthmark to his eyes slowly fades, turning white like an old scar.

"It's this flower that's in your lungs," Keith says without preamble, in a voice that shakes so much Shiro can't even quite understand it at first. And when the words reach his brain, he still has to stop and pick each word apart individually, turn each one over and over in his brain until, together, they begin to make a semblance of sense.

" _What_?"

"The Galra have soulmates," Keith says all in a rush, an edge of desperation to his voice and he doesn't. He doesn't understand what that has to do with anything, until Keith goes on, voice breathless, "They don't usually have marks like this. They have different ones and that's how they find each other, but sometimes they have soulmates that aren't Galra, so the marks change and..." He holds his arm close to his chest, something like wonder taking over his face. "My mom's was a flower too. Because my dad was human and humans get Hanahaki Disease and--"

Keith cuts himself off, as if realizing for the first time just what he's saying, and steps back further, finishing off with a, "And your flowers match mine..."

There's a ringing in Shiro's ears. He can't tell if it's leftover effects from the last coughing fit, if it's just his body continuing to rebel against him, or if it's. If this is what it sounds like, if he's putting the pieces together correctly...

 _No_.

"You're my soulmate?"

And that can't be right. It just can't. Keith loves him, he knows this. But as a brother, Keith loves him _as a brother_. Do the Galra mean something different by soulmates than what human stories usually do? Do they have platonic soulmates?

It must be something like that.

"No," Keith says, reaching out to take the flower from Shiro's hand, heedless of the blood splattered on it. "You're my soulmate. You're just in..." Keith pauses, his chest heaving. "You're just in love with me," he whispers, as if he were afraid of saying it too loudly, the flower clutched tightly in in his hand.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Keith, I didn't want you to have to find out. I know it has to be--"

"Shiro," Keith interrupts him quietly, letting the flower slip from his fingers. He clenches his jaw so tight even Shiro can see it. "Why are _you_ apologizing? I'm the one who... I'm the one who had to go and have a _soulmate_! And..." He clenches his fists, sounding like he's forcing out the words. "You don't have to stay in love with me forever! But you're it for me, Shiro," he chokes out. "I don't care about anyone else there could be and it's not just because of the soulmate thing!"

"Wh-what?"

Keith fixes Shiro with a look so vulnerable that his heart aches. "I'm in love with you, too."

Shiro's shaking his head before he even realizes he's doing it, his heart thundering so hard in his chest he can barely _think_.

He can't have heard that right. He can't have.

Too late, he realizes how it must look, when Keith's face falls and he raises a hand to his mouth.

"No. No, no, no, Keith. That's not it." Internally, he curses himself for every kind of idiot. In trying to spare Keith's feelings, trying to spare their friendship and not make him feel pressured into anything, he somehow still managed to hurt him. "I love you," he blurts out and he could swear the pressure in his chest eases just the slightest bit at the words. Maybe it's just the relief of finally saying it. What else has he got to lose now, after all? "I'm not upset you do, too! I just didn't think..." He stares down at the flowers at their feet. Well, what he didn't think should be fairly obvious by now.

Keith grimaces. "Do you remember what I told you? When we..."

He doesn't need to finish the sentence for Shiro to know what he's referring to and he finds that his eyes are drawn to the scar on Keith's cheek, to that scar Shiro's own hands put there. "You told me you loved me," Shiro says. "After you called me your brother. I thought you meant you loved me like a brother."

Keith blinks, then he's closing the distance between them in a flash, his hands hovering over Shiro's shoulders. "No! Not like a brother! You're my soulmate, Shiro! You're _everything_. I just hadn't realized it then yet, I... I _love_ you."

It clicks into place.

So Shiro opens his mouth to speak, and freezes, the near constant tickle at the back of his throat turning overwhelming for one drawn out moment. It comes over him so quickly he has no time to turn away or cover his mouth, but it's not... Though his vision blacks out, and he can only dimly hear himself coughing as if from a distance, it's not painful this time and, at the end of it, when one last flower drifts down to the floor, he can _breathe_.

This, too, he can put together. When he comes to, Keith's holding him up again, muttering frantically in his ear, and he can _breathe_ , he can take a full breath without pain.

 _Keith loves him_.

"I love you," he whispers, just to hear himself say it, just to see the way Keith snaps his mouth shut, his eyes filling with wonder as he looks up at Shiro. He finds surer footing, but Keith still doesn't let go of him again this time.

Keith laughs weakly. "The soulmate thing doesn't freak you out? You could fall in love with anyone else, if you wanted. You don't have to..." The miserable expression that takes over Keith's face is probably one of the worst things Shiro's ever seen. "Please," he whispers. "Please don't feel like you have to be with me because of that."

"I don't. It doesn't matter," Shiro says, voice firm, and it's a wonder. It's a wonder how, so quickly, he can even manage that tone. It's a wonder how every word, every breath, isn't a struggle now, how though he knows there must be some sort of scarring left on the inside of his lungs, he _doesn't feel it_. He doesn't care. "The thing is... I don't care who fate thinks you or I should be with. It's _you_ I love."

"Shiro..."

"It doesn't matter that I'm your soulmate or that you're not mine, Keith! I--" And suddenly, he knows exactly what to say. He knows exactly what he _should_ have said, even all the way back on Black, from the very moment he woke up in the cargo hold after dreaming of Keith. "I love you and I'm choosing you, Keith." He swallows. "If you'll have me. I don't care who else there might be."

Keith's arms around him shake. But something seems to settle in his expression, some decision he's come to, because then he's leaning in, even further into Shiro's space, and Shiro doesn't need to think about it anymore.

Shiro leans right in to meet him, their lips meeting in a soft brush, a gentle slide.

Keith wastes no time in pushing in closer, his tongue darting out to brush at Shiro's bottom lip, and he gasps into the kiss, letting Keith deepen it, letting him push their chests flush together until all he can feel, hear, and smell is _Keith_.

Shiro tilts his head, wrapping his arms around Keith's shoulders, and they can talk about this more later. They can work this out, they can figure out this whole soulmate thing later, but for now all that matters is Keith in his arms, Keith pressing in so sweetly, and knowing he loves him.

He loves him.

-

It's mere months later that he's holding Keith's hands tightly in his own, letting himself be led down the steps of the courthouse still standing in this city. With Krolia, Allura, and the space wolf as their only witnesses, Keith turns to face him on the bottom step, one of those small, heart-stopping smiles on his face.

He barely heard a word of what the judge said in there, of what she prompted them both to speak. But every word, every gesture and movement and blink from Keith--the only one in that room who mattered at that moment--will be ingrained in his mind in vivid detail later, every single one a precious memory.

When he drops down to the last step, Shiro presses a kiss to Keith's temple, another to his cheek, his forehead, the tip of his nose, before, with a low laugh, Keith tugs him down into a proper kiss that he's more than glad to fall into.

And, later, even later, he'll press the same words from before into Keith's skin, the ones he desperately, desperately needs him to never forget.

"I choose you. I'll always choose _you_ , Keith."

**Author's Note:**

> Was this for Halloween? Belated for Keith's birthday? Hell if I know. But thank you for reading and happy Halloween! ♥
> 
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> [Tumblr](https://o-riande.tumblr.com/)


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